Hot, Hairy Mess

I am searching for a new tenant/roommate right now, which is always a fun experience.  I advertised the condo as animal-friendly and specified that the new tenant must love love dogs since I have two hyper canines.  Early this morning I received this lovely email.  I have been laughing about this "Hobby Breeder" all day, and felt I had to share her words here, since this is my first run-in with an animal hoarder in-training.


Kim writes:
"Do you need a pet deposit? I have 2 huskies, a german shepherd and a cat. Im a hobby breeder, My german shepherd is pregnant and my husky has 7 puppies (they all will go to their new homes by may 8th)"



     In case you lost count, that's eleven animals she wants to bring with her. ELEVEN. Yes, the puppies will be gone by May 8th, but soon they will be replaced by another litter, and since she is a hobby breeder, there is no end in sight.
      Soon after I adopted Olivia, I took her to be spayed.  However, the procedure had to be postponed, when it was discovered that she was already pregnant.  About a week before she gave birth she developed a very serious case of the most disgusting diarrhea I have ever had the pleasure to clean up.  Then along came her seven pups, who quickly learned how to push down the walls of their enclosure, and spread chaos, (and poo) through out the house.  The next six weeks were hectic to put it mildly, and there is no way I will ever willing descend into puppy hell again.   Especially with six other pets in the mix...
     So here are some questions for Kim:
What in the world are you thinking?  Have you inhaled so much fur that it is impeding your thought process in much the same way cocaine might?  What landlord in their right mind would ever rent to such a hairy mess?  
     Kim, dear; perhaps you should consider delaying your "hobby-breeding," until you own a large house, situated on a large piece of land.  Might I suggest a farm?

Note To Self

Dear Me
If you really must sing along with the music you listen to on your Ipod while walking the dogs, (and I know you must) could you please choose better play lists?  Might I suggest the a ban on musicals while out in public?  I just happened to notice the awkwardness that occurred as you rounded the corner  singing "she's a headache; she's an angel, she's a girrrlllllll" at the top of your lungs, only to find yourself face to face with a very-cute-jogger-boy.
Of course, everyone involved had a good chortle at your expense, and then went their separate ways; armed with a funny story to tell their friends.  No toes or egos were run over because of your musical road show.
But I can't help wondering if this is really the lyrical self portrait you want to announce to passers-by.  I'm thinking "Baby Got Back" is a better choice.  Just a thought
Love,
Me

Helpful Hints

-When driving heavy machinery such as a wheelchair,or a riding lawnmower, or perhaps a vacuum cleaner around your home, be sure to immediately pick up the various objects that may fall to the ground, even though it is a nuisance, Doing so will prevent the screams of frustration, and inevitable re-taping, when you run over the remote-AGAIN.

-Be sure to take lots of new prescriptions before driving said heavy machinery if you are going to be a lazy butt and not pick up the remote. Being heavily medicated will be the only excuse that will make any sense to others, when they ask about the sad state of certain mangled objects around your home.

-When listening to loud music late at night be sure to use headphones so your roommate or family won't be disturbed by the music. This will ensure they only hear your beautiful out of tune voice as you sing along to a really good song.

-start preparing your lesson for Sunday at 11:15 Saturday night. When you realize that most of the things you need to do require daylight, be grateful that you are forced to get up at 6:30 on Sundays. Then stay up until much later doing stupid stuff like finding this lovely commercial that reminds you of road shows

-Be honest and don't procrastinate

White Elephant

Here is a really cool story, from one of my favorite bloggers.  I especially like the last two sentences, as they seem to be good advice for any lasting relationship; whether it be family, friendship, dating or marriage.  Read it!